Why I am Childfree
by wildfeministappears
I don’t typically like explaining myself to people about the choices that I make. It isn’t their right to pry, and if they disagree with me, they can just deal with it and do what they want to do. I won’t stop them. So what I’m about to say isn’t necessarily to justify myself to others who think I’m wrong. What I’m about to say is about giving a positive light to those who want to make the same choice as me. I want to uplift you in any way I can. So, without further ado…
Reasons I am childfree (which isn’t even a word, unfortunately)
1. I came from an abusive background and refuse to restart the cycle.
2. I have a plethora of health complications that I do not want to pass on to the next generation.
3. The world is populated enough.
4. I’m happy with my life as it is.
5. My uterus is happy being the way it is.
6. I have a puppy and kitten who are enough like children.
7. My idea of stopping a child from screaming is to throw a bucket of water on them.
8. I panic when I’m left alone with a child.
9. Diapers.
10. I’d like to make an investment in the world on a more global scale.
11. I love my time with my husband, uninterrupted.
12. The education system doesn’t know what the fuck its doing anymore.
13. We’re in a global recession.
14. I don’t eat my own vegetables, and I refuse to be a hypocrite by asking a child to eat theirs.
15. I don’t have the patience to teach children mundane tasks over and over again.
16. Due to my husband’s military aspirations, we’re going to be moving a lot.
17. I don’t like shoving my morals on other people, especially people in a suggestive state.
18. I like just getting up and going places when I feel like it.
19. If I had baby food chucked at me, I’d chuck it back.
20. I’m not stepping on small toys and not yelling.
21. Sex is fantastic, and I’m going to be as loud as I damn well please.
22. If I don’t have one baby, they can’t tell me to keep producing more.
23. That’s my candy.
24. Crying makes me cry.
25. I don’t hold things for very long without getting bored and dropping them somewhere.
26. Without sleep, I’m a bitch.
27. I like my clothes in their current condition.
Some of my motives are selfish, yes. But most of them are trained toward making sure that I don’t screw over someone’s life because I couldn’t provide for them, or because I don’t have the patience and would end up making them feel bad for existing. It isn’t fair to bring a child into the world knowing that you’re going to resent them.
I’ve made my choice, and I encourage others to embrace their own choices. I know people who are going to be fan-fucking-tastic parents because they love children and have the qualities for it. But I’m not one of those people. And it isn’t right to judge people for making the childfree choice. It’s a decision that is made with just as much forethought as deciding to have a child. Some people called me selfish for withholding my love from another human being. But that isn’t what I’m doing. I share my love every day to its fullest extent. And I can think of some pretty selfish reasons for having a child. But I’m not going to judge others for making their decision.
wildfeministappears 
Wow. Your list of reasons not to have children looks almost identical to mine.
We should start a club. Childfreeers, maybe? No, that sounds like we go around freeing imprisoned children… hmmm…
Since I live in the South, everyone assumes my one and only aspiration in life is to be a “good wife to someone someday”, which of course includes popping out a few kids. Most of them are amazed to learn I’m 24 and not married yet. So I get the whole pressure thing. Most of the time, it makes me laugh. But sometimes it can get pretty annoying. And seriously? Fuck anyone who tries to tell you that you’re “withholding your love” if you don’t have children. That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. In fact, it’s so dumb that I’m not even sure I can form a coherent, witty retort to it. Which is sad because I really, *really* want to.
Actually, I’ve been looking into groups today that are specifically for childfree people. I think I might blog a reference sheet.
I know it’s harder to get away from gender stereotypes down in the South. Coming from a pretty red state myself, I expect we have the same types of conversations with people. The woman who said I was being selfish was a baptist woman, and I hear they’re pretty big on babies. But there’s no way to respond to a statement like that. It’s demeaning the entirety of a person’s life for making a choice, and it isn’t cool.
Ironically, it’s usually men who make comments about me being a good wife someday. I think it’s their way of quietly trying to hit on me, because to them it’s some sort of compliment. Meanwhile the women just quietly expect me to have children at some point. I remember when I was working, anytime I would experience nausea or a bad night’s sleep, one of my female co-workers would immediately ask me if I was pregnant. (Once she asked me this while I was on the third day of my period, so to her question I loudly responded, “Well seeing as how I’m hemorrhaging out of my crotch right now, dear–I’m pretty fucking sure I’m not pregnant.” She did not ask again.)
And of course whenever I’d talk about not having children, from the women I had to hear a lot about how I’d “change my mind someday” or “of course I wanted children”. Or worse, I’d just get the sad, sympathetic look, the one that said “You can’t have children and I feel SO bad for you right now.” Meanwhile the men were either ultra paranoid about knocking me up, or they would pretend to be on board with my no-children ideas and then subtly start suggesting that *they* wanted kids someday…with a meaningful look in my direction.
It used to make me so mad, because I’ve never once regretted my decision to not bear children. I also have very clear and rational reasons for not wanting kids. To me, that’s the end of the discussion. To others, it seems to be a challenge.
Right now I live in Knoxville, TN, and so the Baptists are thick here. Pretty much everyone I meet is guaranteed to be one, and it shows. It’s also the main reason why I make most of my friends online. =P
[…] you can go here to learn about my personal reasons for being […]
Hi-Do you know of my blog and books? Wold love for them to be added to your resource lists: top childfree blog: La Vie Childfree http://lavie childfree
Books: Families of Two and The Baby Matrix – info can be found at http://lauracarroll.com, amazon and b&n~ Thanks! Laura Carroll
Hi! I’ve added your resources to my page! Thanks for reading!
[…] Why I am Childfree […]
IMHO, the reasons people have children are very selfish and yes, having kids when the world population is out of control the worst thing one can do, for the planet and its’ inhabitants, including non human!