wildfeministappears

A feminist perspective about the feminist perspective

Month: November, 2012

To my three nieces

First and foremost, I love you.  Even if I never see you grow up, you’re always in my thoughts.  When I fight for women’s rights, I fight for you.  And I want you to know, that you are on the cusp of a new world.  A world with more rights for women than we have every seen.  Hold tight to those rights.  Don’t let anyone take them away from you or tell you that you don’t deserve them.

You have the right to be yourself.

You have the right to say no. Or yes. Or maybe.

You have the right to your body.

You have the right to speak your mind.

Your accomplishments are your own, and although you may need help (and I encourage you to take help when you need it), remember that you had the strength to accomplish whatever you wanted.  Don’t let people belittle you.  They’ll never know you like you do, and they’ll never understand what it took for you to get where you’re going.

Love yourself.  You’re beautiful.  I know, because I’ve looked into your eyes at some point and seen a future full of hope.  I’ve seen your smile, free of worry.  And although you may go through life worrying, remember that at some point… you were totally zen.  And going back to that point takes good food, a loving hug, and a long nap.

Love others.  People go through life with no self esteem because they’ve been brought down.  Love especially your sisters, every woman who crosses your path.  Just like you, no one knows her like she knows herself, and she deserves to be appreciated for her struggle.

Fight for a better world.  There’s enough to do to last you a lifetime.  Someone out there needs your help, and I know you can help them, because you’re made of love.

Don’t fall into gender roles if you don’t want to.  Leave the pink life behind and go to the blue side if your passion is there.  No one can stop you, and give them hell if they try to.  It’s your life, your mind, your goal.

I wish I could help you fight your battles.  I wish I could be there to tell you that you are loved and that you can do anything.  But I can’t do that all the time.  For two of you, I can’t be there at all.  But you’re in my heart, and this message is to let you know: You are loved.  You can do anything.  And I hope you can hear my prayers for you.

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Childfree Resources!

Ah, another resources page (That will be constantly updating, when people send me information!).

This whole childfree revolution hasn’t been around long, and it’s difficult to back up your beliefs when you think that there’s no one else around who believes the way that you do.  Not that you should back down from your beliefs for any reason, but it is nice to talk to other people when things get tough.  So, prepare yourself.  You’re entering a childfree zone.

Articles:

http://hikinghumanist.com/2011/11/26/defending-the-word-childfree/

Hitched: Why My Husband Is Getting A Vasectomy

Childfree or Die Hard: Snappy Comebacks to Inappropriate Questions

http://www.kplctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=14371960

http://www.details.com/culture-trends/critical-eye/201104/no-baby-boom-non-breeders?currentPage=1

http://www.blogher.com/more-blogher-12-what-childless-women-want-brands-know

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complete-without-kids/201209/six-great-reasons-never-have-children

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complete-without-kids/201210/childfree-bashing-everyday-happening

http://www.salon.com/2009/06/15/childless_by_choice/singleton/

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/why-women-choose-not-kids-135900488.html

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/09/not-wanting-kids-is-entirely-normal/262367/

Facebook groups:

Happily childfree

Childfree me

The childfree life

The childfree choice

Web pages:

Babyless dating

Happily Childfree

The childfree life

Childfree by choice

DINKlife

No children by choice

Baby Off Board

La Vie Childfree

Yes Child Free

The regret people want us to have for being childfree

Books:

Planned Unparenthood: Creating a life without procreating

Women without Children

The childless revolution: What it means to be childless today

Two is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice

Families of Two

The Baby Matrix

And you can go here to learn about my personal reasons for being childfree!

Why I am Childfree

I don’t typically like explaining myself to people about the choices that I make.  It isn’t their right to pry, and if they disagree with me, they can just deal with it and do what they want to do.  I won’t stop them.  So what I’m about to say isn’t necessarily to justify myself to others who think I’m wrong.  What I’m about to say is about giving a positive light to those who want to make the same choice as me.  I want to uplift you in any way I can.  So, without further ado…

Reasons I am childfree (which isn’t even a word, unfortunately)

1. I came from an abusive background and refuse to restart the cycle.

2. I have a plethora of health complications that I do not want to pass on to the next generation.

3. The world is populated enough.

4. I’m happy with my life as it is.

5. My uterus is happy being the way it is.

6. I have a puppy and kitten who are enough like children.

7. My idea of stopping a child from screaming is to throw a bucket of water on them.

8. I panic when I’m left alone with a child.

9. Diapers.

10. I’d like to make an investment in the world on a more global scale.

11. I love my time with my husband, uninterrupted.

12. The education system doesn’t know what the fuck its doing anymore.

13. We’re in a global recession.

14. I don’t eat my own vegetables, and I refuse to be a hypocrite by asking a child to eat theirs.

15. I don’t have the patience to teach children mundane tasks over and over again.

16. Due to my husband’s military aspirations, we’re going to be moving a lot.

17. I don’t like shoving my morals on other people, especially people in a suggestive state.

18. I like just getting up and going places when I feel like it.

19. If I had baby food chucked at me, I’d chuck it back.

20. I’m not stepping on small toys and not yelling.

21. Sex is fantastic, and I’m going to be as loud as I damn well please.

22. If I don’t have one baby, they can’t tell me to keep producing more.

23. That’s my candy.

24. Crying makes me cry.

25. I don’t hold things for very long without getting bored and dropping them somewhere.

26. Without sleep, I’m a bitch.

27. I like my clothes in their current condition.

 

Some of my motives are selfish, yes.  But most of them are trained toward making sure that I don’t screw over someone’s life because I couldn’t provide for them, or because I don’t have the patience and would end up making them feel bad for existing.  It isn’t fair to bring a child into the world knowing that you’re going to resent them.

I’ve made my choice, and I encourage others to embrace their own choices.  I know people who are going to be fan-fucking-tastic parents because they love children and have the qualities for it.  But I’m not one of those people.  And it isn’t right to judge people for making the childfree choice.  It’s a decision that is made with just as much forethought as deciding to have a child.  Some people called me selfish for withholding my love from another human being.  But that isn’t what I’m doing.  I share my love every day to its fullest extent.  And I can think of some pretty selfish reasons for having a child.  But I’m not going to judge others for making their decision.

Positive Social Media to Watch

It’s time to be thankful.  And I am.  I’m thankful for my internship with Planned Parenthood, I’m thankful that I was able to be a full part of the election experience, I’m thankful that we’re finally getting to be a diverse government, and I’m especially thankful for everyone who’s put up with me these last few months.

And as the rush of the election slowly drains away into a mild fear of backlash, I’ve made my way to more positive places in my usual social media.

Who Needs Feminism? is a facebook page that updates everyday with pictures of people who are celebrating their lives as feminists.  Anyone can contribute to the page and let them know why they need feminism!

Everyday Feminism is a facebook page and a website that talks about all the little ways that you can be a feminist.  They have quotes, pictures, articles, and questions that stimulate your everyday feminist!

“You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female.'” — Diana Vreeland

Gossip is a form of emotional and verbal bullying that many people minimize. While you may not be pushing someone into a locker or stealing their milk money, it’s extremely hurtful to the target’s self esteem, mental health and friendships. Learn some tips on how to speak out against it.

I’ll get back to my usual blogs soon enough!  But for right now, I hope everyone is enjoying their weeks!  Happy Thanksgiving!

To Victory and Onward

Hello, and congratulations.  We finally gained a victory, and it was all because of the steps that we took, whether it was posting a picture, signing a petition, or not giving up on the idea of the voting process.  Women took a huge stand in this election, finally bringing their voices together and saying that the way things were was wrong.  And soon, it will change.

And if it doesn’t change… we’ll just keep pushing.  Because that’s what we do.  We take steps each day to make change happen.  We are never passive.

So, for those who are just joining us in the fight, or for those who have been here since the dawn of wrongness, I welcome you.

Take the first step.

1. Don’t ignore the problem

If something bothers you, say something about it! Sign that petition, write that blog, repost that picture, speak out!  Every step counts, and as we’ve learned, the only way to change a problem is through educating the community around us.

We should be enraged if someone commits a crime, moral or otherwise, and there is no good reason to ignore it.

2. Start the movement in your community

Chances are, there aren’t a lot of feminists gathering around and discussing issues in your community.  But there is a lot better chance that someone is out there, waiting for the opportunity to be with others that think like they do.  So give them that chance!  Find a place for safe discussion, and let people know about it.  Let them know they aren’t alone, and that there is something they can do.

The strength of feminism comes from having a community to gather with, to plan and to motivate.  We need each other, and there is a place for us in your town.

3. Volunteer with a feminist organization

There are a lot of organizations that need volunteers to help with the cause, and they have a lot to do!  Even if you only have a small amount of time, there is something for you to get involved in.  You have the choice of what to do with your free time, and what better investment than to make sure the world has a better chance at equality.

4. Change your mind

Feminism isn’t just about women’s rights.  It’s about equality on all levels, and if you have an issue with a group of people, it’s time to change your mind.  Oppressing others is no way to make the world a better place.  Individuals are not their group, and everyone deserves to have the same choices about the way they live their lives.

If feminism is a straight white female group, then feminism is wrong.  Just as Bell Hooks says, feminism is for everyone, and we have no chance to bring equality to the world if we spend our time excluding others from our own group!
Every moment in your life is an opportunity to help the world.  The problem is overwhelming, but hopefully this victory is the encouragement you need to understand that each problem just needs to be taken in little steps.

Volunteer opportunities:

http://unitewomen.org/page.php?89

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/

http://www.now.org/actions/

Traffick Alerts

Prosecute Human Trafficking as a Crime Against Humanity

The Gender Report

A closer look at gender and online news

crazy dumbsaint of the mind

Fuck Yeah,Soapbox!

Feminists-at-Large

Fabulous feminism for all!

Girls' Globe

Voices of women and girls around the world!

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