Today is a Deep, Cleansing Breath

Happy new year.  I know yesterday isn’t any different from today, but it’s nice to have a moment where humanity takes stock of itself and promises (despite knowing failure is eminent) to be better.  A starting point that everyone agrees on, a rush of excitement knowing that this year could be different.  And it is different.

Think about where you were a year ago today.  Think about all the moments you’ve had, all the lessons you learned, the friends you’ve made or lost, the relationships that started or crumbled.  And think about where you’ll be a year from now, goals you have set, events you’re looking forward to.  Just as there is potential in every day that we should grasp, there is potential for you to now know yourself and where you’re going.

Today is a deep, cleansing breath.  Take it.

To my three nieces

First and foremost, I love you.  Even if I never see you grow up, you’re always in my thoughts.  When I fight for women’s rights, I fight for you.  And I want you to know, that you are on the cusp of a new world.  A world with more rights for women than we have every seen.  Hold tight to those rights.  Don’t let anyone take them away from you or tell you that you don’t deserve them.

You have the right to be yourself.

You have the right to say no. Or yes. Or maybe.

You have the right to your body.

You have the right to speak your mind.

Your accomplishments are your own, and although you may need help (and I encourage you to take help when you need it), remember that you had the strength to accomplish whatever you wanted.  Don’t let people belittle you.  They’ll never know you like you do, and they’ll never understand what it took for you to get where you’re going.

Love yourself.  You’re beautiful.  I know, because I’ve looked into your eyes at some point and seen a future full of hope.  I’ve seen your smile, free of worry.  And although you may go through life worrying, remember that at some point… you were totally zen.  And going back to that point takes good food, a loving hug, and a long nap.

Love others.  People go through life with no self esteem because they’ve been brought down.  Love especially your sisters, every woman who crosses your path.  Just like you, no one knows her like she knows herself, and she deserves to be appreciated for her struggle.

Fight for a better world.  There’s enough to do to last you a lifetime.  Someone out there needs your help, and I know you can help them, because you’re made of love.

Don’t fall into gender roles if you don’t want to.  Leave the pink life behind and go to the blue side if your passion is there.  No one can stop you, and give them hell if they try to.  It’s your life, your mind, your goal.

I wish I could help you fight your battles.  I wish I could be there to tell you that you are loved and that you can do anything.  But I can’t do that all the time.  For two of you, I can’t be there at all.  But you’re in my heart, and this message is to let you know: You are loved.  You can do anything.  And I hope you can hear my prayers for you.

To Victory and Onward

Hello, and congratulations.  We finally gained a victory, and it was all because of the steps that we took, whether it was posting a picture, signing a petition, or not giving up on the idea of the voting process.  Women took a huge stand in this election, finally bringing their voices together and saying that the way things were was wrong.  And soon, it will change.

And if it doesn’t change… we’ll just keep pushing.  Because that’s what we do.  We take steps each day to make change happen.  We are never passive.

So, for those who are just joining us in the fight, or for those who have been here since the dawn of wrongness, I welcome you.

Take the first step.

1. Don’t ignore the problem

If something bothers you, say something about it! Sign that petition, write that blog, repost that picture, speak out!  Every step counts, and as we’ve learned, the only way to change a problem is through educating the community around us.

We should be enraged if someone commits a crime, moral or otherwise, and there is no good reason to ignore it.

2. Start the movement in your community

Chances are, there aren’t a lot of feminists gathering around and discussing issues in your community.  But there is a lot better chance that someone is out there, waiting for the opportunity to be with others that think like they do.  So give them that chance!  Find a place for safe discussion, and let people know about it.  Let them know they aren’t alone, and that there is something they can do.

The strength of feminism comes from having a community to gather with, to plan and to motivate.  We need each other, and there is a place for us in your town.

3. Volunteer with a feminist organization

There are a lot of organizations that need volunteers to help with the cause, and they have a lot to do!  Even if you only have a small amount of time, there is something for you to get involved in.  You have the choice of what to do with your free time, and what better investment than to make sure the world has a better chance at equality.

4. Change your mind

Feminism isn’t just about women’s rights.  It’s about equality on all levels, and if you have an issue with a group of people, it’s time to change your mind.  Oppressing others is no way to make the world a better place.  Individuals are not their group, and everyone deserves to have the same choices about the way they live their lives.

If feminism is a straight white female group, then feminism is wrong.  Just as Bell Hooks says, feminism is for everyone, and we have no chance to bring equality to the world if we spend our time excluding others from our own group!
Every moment in your life is an opportunity to help the world.  The problem is overwhelming, but hopefully this victory is the encouragement you need to understand that each problem just needs to be taken in little steps.

Volunteer opportunities:

http://unitewomen.org/page.php?89

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/

http://www.now.org/actions/

The Problem with Indifference

“Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men.” -Boondock Saints

This could probably be my favorite quote ever.  It rings so true, no matter the time period.  There may be evil in the world, but there is no way for us to defeat evil if people keep turning blind eyes to the trouble.

What do people say about rapists and pedophiles, traffickers and murders?  That they’re rare, that they aren’t in my neighborhood, that their crimes couldn’t effect me.  And yet we hear about it everyday.  The victim is blamed.  Surely they did something, because there is no way that just happens to the average person!  No way that could happen to me!

And so, crime goes on because the general public is too afraid to even admit that evil is there.  We become apathetic to the troubles of others, fearing the world outside of our volunteered ignorance.

But I’ll tell you something.  If we all admitted that things were wrong, the majority of us would be in the fight against these evil people.  We would quickly take charge of situations where someone was in danger.  No longer would people stand by and watch, but they would get involved and save the victim.

If evil can’t hide behind our apathy, then evil has no where to hide.  So call the cops when you see a crime being committed, defend people who are being hurt, and be aware of the cruelty in your world.  We can stop it if we stop denying it.

Waste Through Hate

There has been a lot of concentrated backlash against feminism lately.  The “men’s rights activists” are on full alert in forums, and many loyal conservatives are trying to belittle the We are Women march that happened in DC.  Fortunately, I’ve seen little support for them on a large scale, and I hope that people will continue to understand that what feminists are working for is not the degradation of society, but a system of support and equality for all.

What really disturbs me about the backlash is the way that anti-feminists are trying to belittle us.  There is no argument, only snide comments and insults.  They sit and laugh at our attempts of being visible, and invite others to laugh along with them.  I wonder where the honest discourse has gone.  I wonder why we can no longer have different opinions without demonizing each other.  I don’t blame others for having a different opinion from me.  I only work towards making sure that those opinions and lifestyles don’t end up hurting other people.

This active need to tear down others is so saddening.  Gay marriage hurts no one.  Equal rights for all genders and races hurts no one.  But people still refuse to allow these basic rights, and they do it through hate and scorn.

Why are we so obsessed with how others make themselves happy?  Life should be happy, and we should be praising each other and building each other up for being so happy!  Instead, some people make it their personal prerogative to destroy happiness that doesn’t even affect them.  Their concern is solely for themselves.  They worry.  Worry that somehow, this is going to come back around to them.  Make them less moral, take rights from them, raise their cost of living.  It’s just not true.  Equality has time and again shown to improve the lifestyles of people, and if the morals of others damages your own morals, then you weren’t convicted enough as it is.  Besides there’s no harm in your morals being changed so that you are a more accepting and loving person!

We should be working together against what really makes us unhappy.  What really takes away our rights and raises the cost of living, ruins our lives and the lives of those we love.  We should be working together to end sexual violence, poverty, abuse, and a myriad of other issues that ruin lives every day.

I don’t know you, but I love you.  I want you to be happy and to have a fulfilled life.  I want you to do something that makes you proud of yourself, that lets you know that you are worthwhile.  Hating others is never going to give you that feeling of joy.  So if your first action is to attack that which doesn’t hurt you, take stock of why you want to hurt others.  Question your own values and the purpose of your attack.

On a practical note, being hateful is going to get no one on your side but those who already hate as much as you.  You can mock and laugh together, but at the end of the day, nothing gets done.  Nothing changes.  The only difference in that day is that you took action to hurt someone else, and there is no joy in that.

Constant Little Reminders

Once I became a feminist, I found that there was no getting away from the constant reminders of needing to be a feminist.  From the anti-abortion billboard a few blocks from my school to the protestors at the women’s clinic down the street from my house, the church board saying “Eat more chicken” to the emails begging me to sign the petition against the human rights travesty of the week, I see why I need to fight.

We live in a time where the lines are deeply drawn between two opposing sides.  Standing in the middle is nearly impossible, as even the local news has an opinion on where we should go from here.  And I certainly can’t stand in the middle.  I can see both points of view, because they are there, always, for consumption.  Our blogs, facebook, twitter, news, friends, family all have their points of view branded on them.  But there is no way for me to let both sides “live and let live”.  The side that I stand on sees the other side as hurtful, ripping people’s rights away so that they can stay with the status quo.  I see them mocking my loved ones, calling them names for being who they are and loving who they want.

I can’t take it.  I can’t allow them to hurt the people around me.  I have to stand my ground.  And these constant little reminders help me to stay to my convictions, because I can see the fight everywhere.  It isn’t a small thing that we do!  We fight for those we love, whether they want us to or not.  Whether they see the purpose or not.  I don’t mind.  Because I love them.  I love the people around me, and I love the potential of the world.

Don’t get worn down by these reminders.  Take them as little pushes to do what is right, to stand your ground.  You can see the problem clearly, so the solution isn’t far off.

The Anonymous Feminist

In junior high, I had my first little bit of activism.  We had a perverted gym teacher who graded us on our breast size (a strange distinction considering we were all about the same size).  He also peeked into our locker room to watch us as we changed, and we became quickly tired of hiding in the corner while getting into our gym clothes.  All of the girls marched down to the front office and demanded that he be fired.

The front office, being as unbiased as possible, had us all write down our complaint.  We had the choice to stay anonymous, and I took that choice because I feared repercussion from my family if they found out.  Unfortunately, our complaints led to nothing and the gym teacher stayed on.  The two girls who signed their names were yelled at, and as I watched them take the blame for all of us, I felt a twinge of guilt.  I wanted to walk up to him and tell him that I had also complained, and that his excuses were nothing to us.  But I never did.

I still feel guilty about my decision, although at the age we were at, it was hard to make that kind of sacrifice.  But how would the tables have turned if we had all signed our names?  Would he have been able to yell if he had to look at all of us, with our accusing eyes, the boys having no choice but to hear what he was talking about?  Would we have won?

This is how I feel about feminism now.  So many women have made the sacrifice, to stand up without fear and say that they are tired of dealing with the bullshit.  And there are so many others who agree with them that decide to stay silent and allow them to be yelled down, to be told that they were wrong because they were the minority, the children, the delinquents just looking for trouble.

When you admire first, second, and third wave feminists, but refuse to take up the name with them, you’re taking away what little agency they had in the first place.  You’re standing behind them, far away behind them, saying, “Good for you, but I won’t add my voice to the fight.  I refuse to sign my name next to feminism.  It’s too much for me”.  You let them guard you from the punishment that will come.  Your friends, mentors, leaders and models are protecting you and giving you rights.  And you refuse to stand on the line with them because you’re scared.

But how amazing would feminism be if we all took up the name?  The stigma would wash away because we would all stand with our collective voices against the perverted enemy.  The enemy would have to look us in the eye, and explain himself to all of us.

We’re not just a scattered group!  We’re a powerful force, and you have harmed us!  You have done wrong, and now you must answer to us!  We are not the minority!  We are feminists!  What do you have to say to that?  Now you have to answer with the world watching, judging you instead of us, because we stood together and signed our names to the cause!  There is nothing anonymous about us!

Take a moment and think about whether or not you’re being too quiet.  Imagine the enemy staring down at a few speaking out, and then imagine that same enemy backing down because now he has to answer to all of us.  Tell the enemy alongside your fellow feminists that you will not take his excuses, that you know what he’s doing, and that he has no right to do it.  Admit that you’re a feminist, and stand with your heroes.  You’ll soon find that speaking out is less frightening with other feminists at your side.

 

Stay Passionate, Feminists!

Admittedly, I’ve only called myself a feminist since the fall of 2011, but I’ve quickly become desensitized to America’s anti-women rhetoric.  I suppose it doesn’t take long to lose faith in the system you were brought up in, especially when you immerse yourself in it.  Which is why when Rush Limbaugh said recently that women voting was the point things started going downhill, I simply shrugged it off and went about my day.  Of course he would say that.  Of course Ann Coulter said it first.  I don’t have it in me to be angry at every comment made by misogynists.

But then I started to reconsider my path in feminism.  This kind of passivity is the reason that America has moved further and further away from equality.  We allow comments like this to slide because we’ve heard them time and again.  But if these comments aren’t stamped out each time we hear them, we give the wrong people the opportunity to grow in their hatred, and bring other people to their point of view.  It may not be the first time someone has degraded women’s sensibilities, but we should be concerned every time.  Rush Limbaugh is so close to losing his base.  His show is being dropped in certain areas, and many sponsors are afraid to funnel money to his time slot.  Women have the same right to capitalism as men, and we can use it to our advantage.  We can make advertisers consider who they are supporting, even passively, and companies will change their minds.  They will realize that they are giving money to the wrong kind of voices, and simultaneously give money to positive voices that will make real change in this world.

So take advantage of every opportunity you have to be passionate.  Even if you only have the chance to change one idea, stick with it, because change is happening everyday, and we need to make sure it’s in our favor.